Sincerely, Anonymous : Valentine's Day 2021
Welcome to Sincerely, Anonymous! (Valentine's Day edition, of course). I am glad that you chose to take a few moments out of this special day to join me in reading some of the amazing pieces that were submitted to me this week.
Sincerely, Anonymous is an anonymous, submission-based publication promoting the ability to heal through unnamed works of writing. By removing names, a pressure and judgement free environment is created for anyone who wishes to express their emotions in a creative and safe manner. To contribute to this publication, visit: https://www.hannahkothari.com/sincerely-anonymous.
Enjoy!
Dear Ex-Lover
What comes to mind when you hear my name? When you see those six letters scrawled out on an old piece of paper, when you overhear the dreaded word in the hallways at school? Do all of the memories come rushing back?
I have one particular memory of you that I still cannot shake. I remember it was my birthday, the “best day of the year” as you called it. You came over around noon, poster board in hand, asking me to the Sophomore year homecoming dance. Little did I know that this day marked the beginning of our downfall. You were so excited to give me your gift. It was a vinyl record, a creation that you were so proud of. As the needle touched the vinyl, you took my hand and we began to dance. For those few moments, with my head on your chest and your arms around me, I felt serene. I felt safe, as if nothing could ever come between us. I was wrong.
When one is given the choice to choose between their love and their father, what does one choose? You played a balancing act for so long. I saw the exhaustion in your eyes, you were always so eager to please everyone in your life. You could not choose between us, nor did I ever want you to. I saw your pain, your misery. I felt your pain as I held you, as you struggled to hold in your tears. I never wanted to hurt you, I wanted to love you forever - and I have. I haven't spoken to you in over a year, but not a day goes by where I don’t love you. A part of you will always remain in my heart.
- Sincerely, Anonymous
the way i do
nobody sees you the way i do.
my friends see the bad.
i see the good.
they don't know you the way that i do.
they don't see you the way i do.
there are many conversations we have had that they will never know about.
those conversations being so indescribable.
they'd have to hear it themselves.
they've never seen you at your weakest moments.
they've never seen you at your most vulnerable state.
but i have.
i cannot bring myself to move on.
at least not anytime soon.
and they don't understand.
- sincerely, anonymous
Jealousy.
The aching want to be another.
Like your own skin is toxic.
You can’t stand yourself.
So you yearn be someone else.
Why is she so skinny, blonde, and tall?
I don’t look like that at all.
Why didn’t my face mold as perfectly as she?
Reflects everything I want to be.
I’m not good at anything.
Not captain, nor president, nor first place.
I’m always mediocre.
I simply fill space.
I add nothing to this world.
Except carbon dioxide.
Why am I even here?
I need to disappear.
I’ll never be her.
So why be me?
I’ll never be good enough for you.
That’s easy to see.
You tell me I’m enough.
But I don’t see it.
She is better than me in every way.
I’m so sorry I’m not special.
Nor first, nor grand.
I’m so tired of hating myself.
It’s too much for me to stand.
Honestly.
I wouldn’t be surprised if you leave me.
For if I could exist in that perfect mind of yours.
I’d leave too.
- Sincerely, Anonymous
I genuinely thought that he was the one for me, we literally did everything together; for a year straight he was my best friend and just like that were strangers. He didn’t want to fight for us, he gave up on us after he told me he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. Every time I see a “this is what this initial wants to tell you” tiktok I hope that his letter comes up and that it’s something positive. Everyone always tells me that if we were meant to be he’d come back, but it’s been two months and not a word from him. I want to reach out but I can’t. I need to move on because from the looks of it he’s moved on. My mind has basically moved on, my mind has gotten over him, but the only thing my heart tells me is that I need him. All I want is him in my life. I don't care if it’s a relationship but we had this genuine connection that I've never felt with anyone before. I told him all of my secrets and he told me all of his, we were basically inseparable. I just don’t understand how people with that strong of a bond can just be strangers so quickly. I still watch videos we have together so I can hear his voice and laugh, I look at our messages on snap where he tells me that he loves me and a part of me hopes he slides onto the chat so I know he misses me too but I don’t think he does. I hung out with another guy and the only thing I could think about was him. How I wanted his arms to be around me and not the new boy's. The new boy puts his arm around my waist and all my mind says “he would have done this a different way, his hands would be higher”. I critique everything the new boy does because it isn’t the way he would do it.
- Sincerely, Anonymous
If you are interested in submitting a piece to Sincerely, Anonymous, feel free to visit the link below for more information. This week’s optional prompt: what color would you describe yourself as, and why? Make sure to include a title!
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