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Sincerely, Anonymous 7/15/22

Welcome to Sincerely, Anonymous! I'm glad that you chose to take a few moments out of your day to join me in reading some of the amazing pieces that were submitted to me this week.


Sincerely, Anonymous is an anonymous, submission-based publication promoting the ability to heal through self-expression. By removing names, a pressure and judgement free environment is created for anyone who wishes to express their emotions in a creative and safe manner. To contribute to this publication, visit https://www.hannahkothari.com/sincerely-anonymous.


Enjoy!


 

still here


i’m still here,

waiting for him to knock on my door again.


i’m still here,

waiting for a text or call.


even with all the things he did to me,

i’m still here,

waiting for our memories to come back to life again.


 

Memories.


One day

You’ll enter the box of memories

Alongside everyone else.


You’ll become a lingering polaroid picture,

A crumpled piece of ribbon,

A lost piece of film.


You’ll live in the box

Of disintegrating memories

Deteriorating from my mind,

Yet forever in my heart.


 

it’s time to let you go


sometimes i sit in my room and wonder what it

would be like for you to text me one day,

to tell me you love me in the same way that I

used to love you.


but i think that i finally learned the difference

between love and lust

cause what we had, it wasn’t love


you didn’t treat me like you loved me.

even though i never failed to show you my love

for you.


you made promises you couldn’t keep

and i made promises that i’ve kept and that i’ll

keep forever.


how is that fair?

how am i supposed to sit here and feel alive

when all you do is make me feel like i'm

suffocating endlessly?


and no matter how hard i try, i can’t seem to stay

away from you.

even though you’ve caused me more pain than

anyone in my entire lifetime.


i don’t love you

i love the person i wanted you to be

i love the person that you should’ve been to me


because all i did was show you how much care i

had for you

and how much i was willing to put everyone else

to the side

just to be around you for one moment.


if you really love me, you’d answer.

if you really love me, you’ll pick up the phone

but instead, you go days and days without

saying anything

and how am i supposed to feel?


you make me feel like i’m suffocating

you make me feel like a burden, like i’m not

enough


i’ll never forget about you though

but it’s time to let you go.


 

i lost my attachment to him.


it almost feels like i lost my other half


but here’s the thing,

i don’t think he was ever my other half

i don’t think i ever meant the same to him as he

meant to me.


i think every single part of him that i loved

was all a fairytale,

written by me


i think he was just an ordinary guy

looking to have just enough attention

before he wanted to leave


i think that’s all i ever was to him

just someone to carry along

until he grew bored of me


but it’s okay

because that emotional attachment wasn’t

something i could handle

and i couldn’t handle it

or him


and now he’s gone

living the life he’s been longing for


but it’s my turn to feel at home in my own mind,

in my own body


so maybe it was all for the better.

maybe i needed to be hurt and confused.

maybe i needed the chaos, the let down, the pain

because i’ve never felt more alive

i’ve never felt more free.


 

Battlefield


One day I would like to disappear from all this pain.

Float far far away in a tiny boat to a faraway island

Where maybe I won’t feel pain anymore

But maybe sometimes pain is good

Maybe the pain and hurt is what allows us to grow

And blossom into something so special

But sometimes I wish I couldn’t feel anything

I wish that I just stopped existing

I wonder why I always end up getting hurt

It’s like no matter what I do

Nobody will understand how much pain I have been through

Living is just so hard

But I’m determined to keep fighting

Fighting against a world that hates me so much

A world that doesn’t care about me

Maybe if I fight hard enough I’ll reach happiness

But for now I’ll float away to the little island inside my brain

The same place where I am forced to be a soldier everyday

Fighting against my own thoughts

Fighting against the worthlessness and self doubt

Fighting against all the trauma

It’s a tiring job to be a soldier

It’s tiring to be me

To live in my shoes

I seem to have everything yet nothing at all

I have a perfect family

Perfect friends

Decent grades

Food on the table

Yet I am still empty inside

Waiting for something to fill up the void

It’s always a temporary fix

Maybe a few pills or candy

Maybe some ice cream

Maybe a few reassuring words from a friend

Or a boy

Nothing permanent

So maybe I’ll forever be this way

Filling the void up with endless amounts of stuff

Till one day it’ll come to an end

Despite everything

I’m not giving up on myself

Not after my body has continuously fought for me

So many endless battles


 

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