Sincerely, Anonymous 7/15/22
Welcome to Sincerely, Anonymous! I'm glad that you chose to take a few moments out of your day to join me in reading some of the amazing pieces that were submitted to me this week.
Sincerely, Anonymous is an anonymous, submission-based publication promoting the ability to heal through self-expression. By removing names, a pressure and judgement free environment is created for anyone who wishes to express their emotions in a creative and safe manner. To contribute to this publication, visit https://www.hannahkothari.com/sincerely-anonymous.
Enjoy!
still here
i’m still here,
waiting for him to knock on my door again.
i’m still here,
waiting for a text or call.
even with all the things he did to me,
i’m still here,
waiting for our memories to come back to life again.
Memories.
One day
You’ll enter the box of memories
Alongside everyone else.
You’ll become a lingering polaroid picture,
A crumpled piece of ribbon,
A lost piece of film.
You’ll live in the box
Of disintegrating memories
Deteriorating from my mind,
Yet forever in my heart.
it’s time to let you go
sometimes i sit in my room and wonder what it
would be like for you to text me one day,
to tell me you love me in the same way that I
used to love you.
but i think that i finally learned the difference
between love and lust
cause what we had, it wasn’t love
you didn’t treat me like you loved me.
even though i never failed to show you my love
for you.
you made promises you couldn’t keep
and i made promises that i’ve kept and that i’ll
keep forever.
how is that fair?
how am i supposed to sit here and feel alive
when all you do is make me feel like i'm
suffocating endlessly?
and no matter how hard i try, i can’t seem to stay
away from you.
even though you’ve caused me more pain than
anyone in my entire lifetime.
i don’t love you
i love the person i wanted you to be
i love the person that you should’ve been to me
because all i did was show you how much care i
had for you
and how much i was willing to put everyone else
to the side
just to be around you for one moment.
if you really love me, you’d answer.
if you really love me, you’ll pick up the phone
but instead, you go days and days without
saying anything
and how am i supposed to feel?
you make me feel like i’m suffocating
you make me feel like a burden, like i’m not
enough
i’ll never forget about you though
but it’s time to let you go.
i lost my attachment to him.
it almost feels like i lost my other half
but here’s the thing,
i don’t think he was ever my other half
i don’t think i ever meant the same to him as he
meant to me.
i think every single part of him that i loved
was all a fairytale,
written by me
i think he was just an ordinary guy
looking to have just enough attention
before he wanted to leave
i think that’s all i ever was to him
just someone to carry along
until he grew bored of me
but it’s okay
because that emotional attachment wasn’t
something i could handle
and i couldn’t handle it
or him
and now he’s gone
living the life he’s been longing for
but it’s my turn to feel at home in my own mind,
in my own body
so maybe it was all for the better.
maybe i needed to be hurt and confused.
maybe i needed the chaos, the let down, the pain
because i’ve never felt more alive
i’ve never felt more free.
Battlefield
One day I would like to disappear from all this pain.
Float far far away in a tiny boat to a faraway island
Where maybe I won’t feel pain anymore
But maybe sometimes pain is good
Maybe the pain and hurt is what allows us to grow
And blossom into something so special
But sometimes I wish I couldn’t feel anything
I wish that I just stopped existing
I wonder why I always end up getting hurt
It’s like no matter what I do
Nobody will understand how much pain I have been through
Living is just so hard
But I’m determined to keep fighting
Fighting against a world that hates me so much
A world that doesn’t care about me
Maybe if I fight hard enough I’ll reach happiness
But for now I’ll float away to the little island inside my brain
The same place where I am forced to be a soldier everyday
Fighting against my own thoughts
Fighting against the worthlessness and self doubt
Fighting against all the trauma
It’s a tiring job to be a soldier
It’s tiring to be me
To live in my shoes
I seem to have everything yet nothing at all
I have a perfect family
Perfect friends
Decent grades
Food on the table
Yet I am still empty inside
Waiting for something to fill up the void
It’s always a temporary fix
Maybe a few pills or candy
Maybe some ice cream
Maybe a few reassuring words from a friend
Or a boy
Nothing permanent
So maybe I’ll forever be this way
Filling the void up with endless amounts of stuff
Till one day it’ll come to an end
Despite everything
I’m not giving up on myself
Not after my body has continuously fought for me
So many endless battles
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